My Experience with Grief

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my thoughts lately and feeling a bit apprehensive about sharing them – I think about when I started my blog – the same day I started my experience with grief. My mom and dad were going to the first of what would become endless doctors appointments and…

Dreams About My Dad

When my dad passed away in November – my life changed forever – I remember writing about it once, how my life would always be separated into two parts, the time before and the time after my dad died – I’m now living in the part after my dad died. Grief is an emotion that’s…

Life Without My Dad

On Christmas Eve, I watched Anderson Cooper interview Stephen Colbert and maybe that was my dad’s gift to me this Christmas, because suddenly I could find the words, when before there weren’t any. I didn’t know how to put it into words, how the world feels without him, how I feel without him, but what…

Seasons – Spring & Summer

Spring In the spring of Jim LeCain’s life, before he was ever Jim LeCain, a blonde baby with baby blue eyes was born in Brooklyn, New York. A baby boy born to two older brothers, both of whom would grow up to be called Chuck. He was born to a father who would go on…

Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day and I’ve got the Father’s Day blues because I don’t know how many more, if any more, Father’s Days we’ve got, me and you. People are posting pictures of dads at barbecues, and dads on wedding days during father-daughter dances, and everyone else’s dad seems happy and healthy and I don’t know…

I Thought You Were Gone

That morning, I thought you were gone. I thought that I’d never live through the 20th of September without thinking,┬áthe day my dad died. When mom called me, at 3 am, I thought for sure, this was the end. I called Darren sobbing, and drove myself to the hospital, crying and breathing hysteric breaths the…

Mother Mary

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  There are days that my dad and I have everything in common, from our blue eyes, to the fact that he lost his father when he was young, and I am losing mine. My father…

One Last Christmas

When I was little, my mom would set up a Christmas village every year. In the dining room, on top of a table, I would find myself lost for hours looking at that little village. Tea light candles filled perfect Christmas houses, with perfect Christmas wreaths, and perfect Christmas people. There was a girl with…

The James J LeCain School Of Liberal Arts

Yesterday, I drove to the job that my dad retired from last year. I took all the same turns that he did for so many years. I passed the gas station where he would fill up his tank and the diner that my dad would stop at for a breakfast sandwich and a coffee on…

Fear and Falling

On Saturday, when my mom shook me awake, I didn’t have time to think, it was fight or flight, and I flew down the stairs before she finished saying that he had fallen. I don’t remember which stairs I skipped with my too long legs, or which ones groaned underneath my too big feet. As…