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Stephanie LeCain

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Last week, a friend reminded me: “He would want you to be the same bubbly girl that he knew, wearing your favorite Christmas pajamas, taking pictures in the snow, writing and encouraging others, and just being you! I’m sure he left this place knowing that he left the most special gift he could have given to the world and that’s you.” Here’s to my dad’s favorite time of year, to Christmas cheer, and to knowing he’s still here 🎄
We’ve been preparing for the eventuality of my dad’s passing since his diagnosis, as it turns out the loss of a parent isn’t something you can prepare for. While the past few days feel blurry, I’ve made it through the worst days of my life - I survived, I imagine, for a long time, that’ll have to be enough. The only thing I ever knew how to be was my father’s daughter, I don’t know how to find light in a world where I don’t get to be that anymore.
Daddy, I don’t know what to say, how less wonderful life is without you in the world 💔
It all started a few weeks ago, on a rainy weekend, as I started to pack up the room I've lived in since I was 5, I walked down the creaky stairs that lead into the dining room - in a pattern, memorized to avoid the creaks, to tell my mom that there was something of my dad's I'd like to have, to take with me, a Burberry scarf that I bought him years ago for Christmas. That year, it was all he talked about, how he wished he lived a life where he could just buy a Burberry scarf and not have to think about it - I wish I had told him then, he was living a life where he could just buy a Burberry scarf and not have to think about it. When Christmas came, the scarf cost $495, I remember because it was the most I had ever spent on anything. But, when my dad opened it on Christmas morning, he said it was the best gift he'd ever gotten. When he got sick he told me how special it was all over again. When I went looking through his closet, I realized that I couldn't picture him wearing it, when I found it, I realized why - it still had the tags on it, he never wore it. Since, I've thought a lot about that scarf - I don't want to live a life with tags on it. I wish he had spilt coffee on that scarf, I wish it smelt like Marlboro Reds and his cologne, I wish he had lost it in Scotland that time him and my mom never went, I wish he had done all the things in this life he talked about, which makes me want to - when I told my mom I'd like to have it, I thought I'd put it in a special box, to keep forever, but instead, I think I'll wear it, I think I'll take it to the places he never got to go, I think I'll live a life so lived-in that someday I forget why I ever went looking for that scarf in the first place. 🍂🍁☕️ #ontheblog #Hudsonvalley #Hudsonvalleyblogger #stephanielecainblog
Me looking into the infinite abyss wondering how I’ll ever convince Darren that we NEED a blue velvet couch... But SERIOUSLY, we’re going furniture shopping this weekend and I’d love some tips on moving in! Where should we splurge, where should we save?! Has anyone ever actually bought anything from H&M Home?! HELPPP adulting means so many decisions and I’m the most indecisive! #ontheblog #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #hudsonvalley #hudsonvalleyblogger #fallinthehudsonvalley #stephanielecainblog #minnewaskastatepark #andotherstories
BIG NEWS - we’re moving in! 🏠 Darren, I can’t wait to live with you, to wake up with you, to come home to you, I can’t wait for you to make margs and tacos in our kitchen and for you to call avocados guacamoles every single day. Thank you for loving me, thank you for knowing how to use a French press, and thank you for being so patient and understanding as I’ve navigated guilt and grief and my dad’s terminal illness - you’ve been my silver lining and felt like home this whole time. So excited to start the life we’ve been planning for 5+ years 💕 everyone, please disregard the mustache #ontheblog #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #hudsonvalley #hudsonvalleyblogger #minnewaskastatepark
Ready to go jump in some leaves 🍂 #blogger #ontheblog #stephanielecainblog #hudsonvalley #hudsonvalleyblogger #hudsonvalleyfall #fallinthehudsonvalley
In honor of @oliveandjune offering free shipping this weekend, but also because my mani looked as good on day 5 as it did on day 1 - AND it’s REGULAR nail polish ☕️🍁🍂🎃
New blog post went up today! It’s all about fall in the Hudson Valley 🍂🎃🍁☕️ #ontheblog #blogger #bloggersofinstagram #hudsonvalley #hudsonvalleyblogger #stephanielecainblog #hudsonny #kingstonny

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